Sad Office of A Lonely Man

A year or so into our relationship he found out his office was closing and his position was being eliminated. His office was profitable but the industry it was in had been declining for years. There was no question they needed to down size and had been for a while but still not as much or as fast as they needed to. 

There was going to be some restructuring, people were being offered buy outs but if they chose to stay some would be offered positions at the same level and some would have to take a lower level, but stay at the same salary. If you didn't want the new position, you could take a years severance and leave.

Well, this man hated his job. He called me first thing every morning on his way to work (no big deal, before me it was someone else, and so on and so on....)  There was a set of stairs that he took to his office each day (and we climbed sometimes when we went there at night) and he said that every day, a waive of dread hit him as he climbed those stairs. It caused him a lot of anxiety and it was something he would lament to me many times over the years.

The first time he took me to his office, which he was very eager to do and had absolutely no concern about being discovered, I was struck by how spartan it was. It was a fairly good size office, was up high and had nice windows and view, but it had kind of a sad, morose feeling. I couldn't put my finger on it at first but then I realized that there was nothing personal, nothing warm or inviting, nothing decorative, nothing from home, I mean not a single nick-nack or memento. The only item besides work things, was a picture of his son that was many years old.

Definitely no picture of his wife. Who knows, that was probably on purpose, no telling how many women he took there or what he told them. He was the boss there, and I felt like he should have something nice, an office that would make an impression and say something about who he was, you know, things that everyone wants and very often is done by the wives. But he said his marriage was a sham, that they didn't get along and couldn't stand each other, so that explained that.

I asked him if he had just moved into the office and he said no. HE HAD BEEN IN IT FOR 10 YEARS! I was stunned and had to choke back the tears and fight to keep the pity out of my voice. I told him it was kind of sad and asked him why it was that way. He said "because my life is sad." And of course, fool that I was I felt sorry for him.

Like every other aspect of his life, it was glaringly obvious that no one cared about him, and that he didn't care about much either.

That office was an exact replica of his life and symbolized the hollowness, and sadness, of what he had been describing to me since the very first day. I thought about all the people I knew, who's offices were filled with loving things and warm memories.

He drew the blinds. I sat on his lap and stroked his hair and told him how sorry I was that he had lived that way for so long. Whenever we had moments like this there were always more confessions, more tears and regrets from him. And then from me, more kind words and gestures, more support and encouragement.

We stayed there a long time, hidden from the world.......and ensconced in our own. It was quiet and still. We revealed layers of ourselves, whispered and laughed as I sat on his lap, which soon led to other things as we fell to the floor in a heated fervor of passion and desire.

Sometime later, I'm not sure how long, he told me that his wife had called him dozens of times and driven all around looking for him that night, but luckily she didn't drive by his office. Of course he did not tell me when it happened, it was much later and slipped out in the midst of whatever lies he was weaving.

It was surprising to hear because he said that she had never once suspected or caught him cheating. Given that he told me he cheated on her the entire time they dated and through out the marriage beginning the very first week, I found that difficult to believe. And when this came out, it was just one of the infinity of lies  I caught him in, all designed to lure me in and deceive me. 

Anyway, because of all those lies, that night and many, many others, I found myself feeling tremendous sympathy for him. I never forgot the emptiness of his office or his life and gave him many gifts over the next few years to liven it up, make it fun and reflect him.

He was like a big kid (little did I know he really was as evolved as a six year old) and loved to laugh and play games so I gave him a remote control car, juggling balls and other things he could play with. And later when he moved out and bought a house, I made sure he had a wonderful home office. It was warm, and personal, and fun and inspirational, it had everything that he could want or need and it all reflected him and our life together. I made sure he had pictures of his son and.....everything that the offices he had for his entire adult life.....never did.

That was just the surface of what I did to help and support him.  More to come on the job change................