Abusive Betrayal of Love

"The narcissist is at all times a deceiver, never straight, clear, or true. He thrives in an illusive world of curves and meanders. He has mastered the ability to delude himself and others.

Emotionally detached and isolated, the narcissist is incapable of truly caring for someone else. This callousness allows him to launch plans that psychologically wound others if he perceives them as a threat.

In his obsession to win at all costs, he is unencumbered by ethics or morality. Hurt feelings, financial ruin, blighted reputations, incipient illnesses, broken relationships, suicides... are the tragic residue of the narcissist's endeavours.

He leaves many lives in disarray and chaos, like bodies strewn on a battle field. He coolly steps over these ravaged corpses to reach his destination. The length of a relationship or its history is never a factor in how he treats the other person."

Abusive Betrayal of Love © Michele Toomey

Nothing does a better job of describing a narcissist than this quote.  The LM (lying manipulator) in my life was the poster boy.  He was at all times a deceiver, about everything but especially about him self. He lied about who he was, what he believed, his past, you name it, from the biggest thing that you would never lie about, to the smallest.

He was never straight, never clear and never true, unless he thought it would get him something. He did his best at all times not to be straight, clear or true so that he could manipulate any situation, or any person, to his benefit whenever it suited him.  It came to a point when the curves and meanders of his lies and deceptions were nothing but a very sad joke.

I have never seen callousness of the degree he possessed in another human being. He was callous towards his parents, his sister, his wife, co workers and every one else.

Emotional detachment was his survival mechanism, supposedly from childhood and living in a loveless, emotionally barren marriage.  He showed very little emotion, his facial features and even his voice were flat and monotone.  He lived in isolation because his whole life was a lie. He said he had no friends and that he and his wife interacted like strangers, so he lived a double life pursuing woman after woman. 

Psychologically wounding was his specialty, a craft, he said, perfected in his home growing up and duplicated in his.

Winning at all costs was the mantra he followed in sports, business and relationships, unapologetically.  He was prepared to do anything to ensure the outcome he wanted with no concept of even thinking about the consequences for anyone else.

Of course, because he is personality disordered, he did an excellent job at hiding his true self from me for a very long time. And worse yet, he used it all, to gain my sympathy and my trust by professing to want to change. 

All along the way he made decision after decision to deceive, manipulate, take from and hurt me, even as I, every day, talked about and strived for a life of honesty and authenticity.  Meaning that every choice he made was conscience and purposeful, with complete and total disregard for me, my life and my family. 

Ethics?  Morality?  No, literally not in his vocabulary.  What he did to me was a malicious, willfull, hostile take over and occupation, by deception, leaving in it's wake complete and utter destruction.  Even in the very end, much could have been saved by the simple act of accountability and telling the truth.  Something the personality disordered will never do; they would rather create hardship and terror, on top af abuse and betrayal, rather than give up their false facade.  

This is not a misunderstanding or mistake.  This is abuse.  It is an abusive betrayal of much more than the trust and love of an innocent person, it is an abusive betrayal of the safety, and the humanity of another human being.

Such is the life of Narcissus - "who's soul was sent to the darkest hell."