Football and A Dream Life
I went to an event in a nearby town and met a lot of people who are big football fans. I even met the big guy himself, the head coach (who was much more easy going in person than on tv.) Of course I was invited to a game, any time I wanted, and also invited to play in a golf outing.
What irony. The N who abused me loved this team. He would go to games - when someone would offer him free tickets. Once early on, before he moved out, he said the person with tickets offered him a second one and he thought maybe he should take his wife because she was acting very suspicious and thought he might "be up to something" in that town because he went so often (of course she was right for years.) He wanted to make sure that it was okay with me though and afterwards, boy did he complain about how awful it was going with her.
He talked all the time about how he couldn't wait to take me to these games, to have our own tickets, tailgate and invite friends. He would describe it all in detail, the sights, the sounds, the smells, what he ate, who he saw and the jokes they told. And of course, I listened with such care, believing this was all true and going to be my life.
A couple of times he went to a party after a game. He called me afterwards, gushing, about all of it, the people, the house, and the life he dreamed of for us. The house was very nice he said, with a great backyard and pool. I remember him being very sentimental and describing it as being so warm and inviting, a real home, where a real family lived, nothing like his house, he said, where it was all a sham, nothing like the home he grew up in either.
And then he talked about the people that were there. He was in the beginning of his opening up to people stage that I was encouraging him on (although he always pandered heavily to anyone that was successful) and it was having a big effect. He talked about how fantastic it was to sit and talk with the people there who were so nice and so open. We talked about how great it was to be around people who are similar to you, who like the same things, and who think the same way. Especially people who love sports, and who actually played sports, at one time or another. He said it was like time stood still and he felt so alive and inspired.
In his life, he said, it wasn't like this. They didn't have friends like this, they didn't talk about things like this, or believe in things like this. But he desperately wanted to. This was the life he wanted to create. We talked about how incredible it would be when we could have a life where we were surrounded with fun, open minded people, going out and doing things, and dreaming and creating, without any negativity and criticism holding us back. We talked about the kind of house we would have. We can have it all I told him, this wonderful, warm place that people will love coming to, we can even have the pool!
It was his dream. Actually, he said it was more than he had ever dared to dream. Until now, until he met me, and I put him back together, and showed him how to love, and how to dream, and now he couldn't wait to make it all come true.
He will never have a life like this. He will never be friends with people like this. He is a fraud and can not get close to people because they will see right through him. All he can do is what all narcissistic con men do, pick out a few victims to prey upon and fool. He will study and mirror them, he will call them on the phone every day, make jokes, ask them questions, he will learn what they like and are interested in and spend an inordinate amount of time trying to become their best buddy.
But in the end these relationships will be hollow because he is hollow and these people will move on to real people, and real lives.
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Reader Comments (1)
This is all too familiar of course. I saw him use people everyday. Just assumed it was a way of him trying to build his business. I didn't realize I was being used more than every single one of them.
I worked...he pretended to work. He would try and get me to do his work for him...I would refuse. He would call me lazy...when he spend 5 out of 7 days doing nothing chasing after other women.