The Narcissist Puts the Lance In Your Back

Grandiose: having an exaggerated belief in one's importance, sometimes reaching delusional proportions, and occurring as a common symptom of mental illnesses.

The man who abused me, like all narcissists, has a grandiose sense of entitlement.

The precious years of my life that he stole from me with lies, he feels entitled to. The damage to my heart, my mind, my soul, entitled to.  My family and the life I had that he destroyed, the money he conned me out of, the gifts of love and spirit, entitled to. 

He feels entitled to lie about me and our relationship, to change the truth about who I was, what we shared, what he convinced me about his marriage and life, to keep things of mine that don't belong to him, to attack and damage me in any way he can.

He came after me, vowing his love and commitment, HE ASKED ME TO TRUST HIM,  HE ASKED ME TO HELP HIM. 

I asked him for only one thing, the truth, not to waste any more of the life I had left on anything less. 

He still feels entitled to anything he wants from me. He feels entitled to come into my neighborhood, go to the places I go, wear clothes I bought him and enjoy all the people and things I brought into his life and taught him about.

He feels entitled to keep attacking me, to seek his revenge in hopes that damaging me will aid him in fooling others, just as all psychologically disordered minds do.

He feels entitled to make me live in fear and pain ....... shrugs it off as if it, and I, are nothing. 

He saw me somewhere and came back the very next day, knowing I would be there, if there is anything a narcissist is, it is calculating. 

He put on his sheepish, innocent act for his friend, the act he used for years to lure me in, the one he used on all the other women too, the one he uses for anyone that he thinks is powerful or attractive or might benefit him in any way.

I know for an absolute fact, would lay down my life for it - that whenever it was that he told his friend about us, that it contained LIE, after LIE, after LIE.

That he did not DEFEND, PROTECT, HONOR, or TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY. Oh I'm sure he hung his head and mumbled very softly about having been a little bad in hopes of gaining sympathy, before LYING, OMITTING, RATIONALIZING AND BLAMING - WOULD THAT BE FOR ME - OR THE DOZENS OF OTHER WOMEN?  I'm sure he neglected to mention that I was just one in a long line to be used and abused, because otherwise, golly gee, someone might think it was him.

Do you think he would stand up, like any decent person would, and say I deserve  that, I treated this person horribly and  hurt her deeply, I convinced her to trust and believe in me and then betrayed her badly. I left my marriage because I was deeply in love with her and convinced her to do the same so we could spend the rest of ours together.  I had been having affairs since the beginning of my marrriage, I told this woman I wanted to change, to be a different kind of man, and I asked her to help me. She created me and gave me a whole new life and I will never be able to repay the debt I owe her.

Do you think he said I went back to my marriage because of my son, because my wife would have turned him against me and cut me out of his life, because if he makes it in baseball we might be rich and famous and she never would have let me walk into a baseball game.

Do you think he said that I kept seeing her because I loved her and had made a huge mistake moving back, and then when I was found out, I lied about everything.

That she is a very special woman who did not deserve the things I did to her.

No, no on all accounts, oh he will have put in a few woe is me's for sympathy, but about everything that matters he will lie and omit. He will say that he told me he wanted to move back. Yes he did, but he said it was to protect his son and be a part of his life, he said it was an arrangement, that he couldn't stand his wife, and he never, ever wanted to stop being with me, that is the biggest lie of all!!!! Why would he, he had always had another woman in his life, usually several, he never ended anything if he could get away with it, attempting to keep them to use for all the things that were nonexistent in his marriage.

He apologizes to his friend because he hears something uncomfortable but refuses to apologize to me for defrauding me out of my marriage, my money, my body, my sympathies and my time - for DESTROYING MY HEALTH AND SHATTERING MY REALITY. That is insanity.

The only reason he apologized to his friend is because he is still part of his narcissistic supply, he needs and wants him to think of him in a certain way, so he plays the role and mimics the emotions that he knows he should have and will benefit him. Mimicking emotions is what people with narcissistic personality disorder do because it is all they are capable of. He always plays the poor pitiful man to gain others sympathy, the same way he did to me.

When a narcissist betrays you he doesn't put the lance into your heart, because - he has no concept of what that is, instead - the narcissist, puts the lance into your back - that he knows very well.

He doesn't stand up like a man and offer explanations or apologies, doesn't take accountability for his actions, honor his commitments or pay his debts. He doesn't defend or protect the woman that he spent every day with for four years convincing  of his love.

What he does do, is attack you. In the same way that he systematically targeted and lured you, he mounts a campaign to damage you, in every way he can, big and small.

I spent every day for more than four years with this man, and every single one of them I treated him with tenderness and grace. I tried to heal his broken spirit and fill his soul with goodness and love, fun and laughter, dignity and respect.

Four years and all we talked about, every day, was being honest and true, good and kind. All he talked about was what a sham and a mistake his marriage was, how emotionally abusive to him and his son, how he had to be there for his son or she would turn him against him, cut him out of his life and maybe ruin his son's chance at his dream career. 

This man turned on me and every word that came out of his mouth for money. His chance to finally be someone because his son may play baseball, his desperate dream of money, the millions he might get. All to live in the miserable sham he created for him self. I have to say, I am pleased as punch at that thought, he, he, ha ha.

And it is worth duping, vilifying, traumatizing and destroying me.  Breaking up my family, attacking my friends, stealing my money and causing me to lose my church, my health, my home and my income. 

This is what a narcissist will do if you dare stand up to him or expose him. If you know one - watch your back!