Lemon Meringue Pie

I've never met anyone like you and you're so different from anyone I've ever known, he would say these to me over and over. They came in response to my thoughts and reactions to everything we discussed and encountered, he had always experienced the world through a filter of fear, negativity and judgement and had never seen it through the eyes of someone who was open, positive and accepting. I didn't look to assign meaning to anyone's actions and told him how we see other people and interpret the world is a reflection of what we carry inside and entirely up to us, more words he had never heard. One day after being blown away by my response to something, he looked at me with wonder and said you just operate on a higher level than I'm use to. I wasn't sure who it said more about him or me, and we laughed, but also both realized just how true and fundamental that was and was going to be to our relationship. 

I didn't say the things he was used to hearing or have the reactions he expected. He talked in stories, they were fun and interesting but I could tell they had been told many times, and he had a repertoire of jokes, sayings, and expressions. And he asked questions, a lot of questions, was the master of questions.....could go all day just asking questions. These were his defenses, his way of gathering information and controlling his environment, skills he had perfected over a lifetime. I am more direct and prefer real exchanges to information gathering, I don't care much about the facts of someone's life, I want to know who they are and what they are about. I can talk to anyone and enjoy it, but if I am going to get to know or spend time with someone I want it to be real.

I didn't take his bait, if he asked me something that was pointless or inappropriate I would just look at him and not answer, or be honest and say why do you ask, or what does that have to do with anything. These were his long used defenses to ward off intimacy, which was foreign and frightening to him, but which he said he wanted to overcome. Sometimes I would tease him by imitating him - look at that red truck, it's a different color red isn't it, have you ever had a truck, do you think it's always been red, think he will ever paint it blue? We would laugh and laugh, I did it lovingly and he knew I thought he was cute.

It was hard for him, he had to find another way to interact and connect with me. He would tease me and say-I don't know anything about you, you never tell me anything, all I know about you is that you like lemon meringue pie. One day we went to see the movie Million Dollar Baby and looked at each other in disbelief and laughed when Clint Eastwood used the same line in almost the exact same words-I like lemon meringue pie, the real stuff not the store bought pudding kind, and I don't like questions. Clint saying it, even in a movie, somehow gave it a little extra validity, or at the very least he could see the symbolism.

I'm going to run out of stories, he'd say, or you're going to get tired of hearing them. I told him he didn't need stories, that he would enjoy life more paying attention and living in the moment, and I told him that way he would have a real life and new experiences to share forever. I don't think he really understood or believed me at the time, and I haven't thought about it in a long time or even know when it happened, but he did stop talking in stories and jokes, I don't know if he ever even realized it. I do remember every once in a while we would be around someone new and one of the stories or jokes would pop out and I remember thinking oh yeah, he used to talk like that.

The questions ..... that was a little harder.