Panning for sympathy

"Pathologicals say whatever will get people to give them what they want. Many work hard to give the impression that all of their problems stem from cruel treatment at the hands of others, and that they could change for the better if only some kindly soul would take an interest in them and support them.

They usually reward these people by breaking their hearts and cleaning out their bank accounts, using them for sex, as well as taking from them and ...abusing them."

Jennifer Copley

The man who abused me suffered from depression. He said it was because of his emotionally barren, emotionally abusive, sham of a marriage. He said he had tried anti depressants twice, and had even tried hypnotherapy, as a last resort, to relieve the pain and depression. 

And the reason that he gave for stopping the medication? Not because it didn't help, but because it interfered with his sex life. Yep, that is right, the man who said he hadn't had sex with his wife for fifteen years - said this with a straight face, completely oblivious as to how bizarre, and sad it was.

I was stupefied and couldn't even respond for a while. And then I asked - you mean you're sex life with other women? Yes he sad. You mean girlfriends  and one night stands? Yes again. And then to top it off, he added that it also included his relationship with pornography - and thereby, with him self.

This was so tragically sad that-I-did-not-know-what-to-say. Of course that was the whole point, him panning for sympathy. Sympathy was his number one method for luring women into a relationship with him.  

I just hung my head in disbelief, and in sadness, and in sorrow, for him, and his wife, and his child.

So of course I asked him all of the normal questions one would ask, not that this comes anywhere near the heading of normal. I asked why he wouldn't be glad that it dampened his desire, then he could quit cheating and work on his relationship. He said he had no relationship with his wife, never had and never would. I asked everything you can think of, why not try other medicines, go to therapy, tell the truth, divorce, anythiiiing? It was unbelievable to me that anyone would live this way, for years and years. 

I mean this man was dead serious, and did not show the slightest bit of remorse or concern for how this looked or sounded, and definitely not any concern for his wife. In fact, there was something else, it was as if he was slightly ..... proud. Later I would come to learn just how bizarre and distorted his thinking really was, but at the time I could not imagine anyone being so devious, devious to draw me into this mess of a life he lived, and I believed him and felt tremendously sorry for him. 

I asked him why he was telling me all of this. He said all of the usual lies that serial adulterers and narcissistic abusers say - he didn't want to be this kind of man anymore, he loved me, wanted to change his life, blah, blah, blah, lie, lie, lie.

What he wanted was to lure me in, the same way he lured all the others. And the same way that you might be lured in. That is why I tell you the sad, embarrassing details, so that when you hear these same stories, that you just can't believe anyone would tell or have to experience ....... you will know that they have been told before, and believed before. And you will know to protect your self and your family.