Soul Betrayals

How do you suppose those kinds of conversations go?

I'll do anything, I promise, she is nothing to me, and her family is nothing, I'll prove it to you, I'll get her. I'll go and have someone attack and threaten her in any way he can. I won't deal with any of it, I'll make her suffer all the consequences, take all responsibility and deal with the life we had together. I'll attack and threaten her friends too, without so much as a phone call, they were my friends too and would have done anything for me, but I don't care, I'll turn on them.  We live in the same place, know her family, our children and friends all know each other, but it doesn't matter how it affects any of them, if it makes you happy, if you'll just give me another chance.

I don't know who she thinks she is, just because I lied to and manipulated her, caused her to lose her life and throw years away, took advantage of her in every way a man could, and then cruelly asked her once again to trust me while I saw how things played out, and then when I called acted as if it never happened, was mean and cruel and full of anger, refused to acknowledge her existence, just because the only thing I said was that you were p_____, I don't know why she wouldn't snap to and clamor to obey and deal with the one thing I wanted her to, in the way I wanted her to. Doesn't she know I am entitled and it's okay for me not to acknowledge or take responsibility in any way for my responsibilities, obligations, or promises, but no one else.

Just because I told her I had to lie about everything to save myself with you, because I wouldn't defend or protect her or her family in any way and the lies that would be spread, because being betrayed in this way was so unimaginable, she was afraid for herself, her family, and yes, even for you, and for me, and for our son, how dare she say she is going to tell the truth. I'm going to stop her and I'm going to make her pay. How dare she want me to tell her why I would tell her to trust me and then betray her, doesn't she know it is perfectly acceptable for me to treat her or any one else however I want, to throw her away like garbage.

After all, doesn't she know that's how it's done. That the only thing that matters is things and money, well our things and our money that is. How dare she think that her life, or time, or children, or family, or friends, or money, or feelings count, or things like respect, promises and ideals. 

She knows, because I told her over and over, we don't talk about things like dignity, decency, empathy, compassion, love, kindness, acceptance, we don't use words that convey emotion or deal with the truth, those are things we make fun of. How dare she not play the game, suffer any indignity or injustice and get up the next day and pretend like it never happened, bury her hurt until it turns into anger and resentment and let it come out in hurtful, insidious ways, until she is dead inside.

And then, from years of experience I can imagine the phone calls back and forth. I called him, I told him this and that, he's going to destroy her, the few parts that I didn't anyway. What did he say about this, what did he say about that. Did you call him again today, you need to do something about this, something about that. Every single time call and report, call to get approval, to get points.......points for lies, for hurting and betraying another human being, what a tragic, pitiable way to live, a way that causes hurt and shame to well inside.

And, even when no one is around, just him and God, call and report any time he sees her drive down the street to her own house, just want you to know I saw her, see how loyal I am to you, using every aspect of this other person to fuel a relationship he described as a sham, based on fear and greed. Then there are the small betrayals of intimacies, denials of the love and commitment that existed, of a person's value and intention, who and what they were and tried to be, the way he did with every woman-she did this, she said that, poor poor me, feel sorry for me please.

How sad for that to be the only way to communicate and gain any shred of favor with someone, to have to use other people to get sympathy and acceptance. How sad for your only bonding to be built around the tearing down of another, rather than kissing, touching, and sharing truth. There is nothing more shameful than hurting and using another human being this way. It is so, so, tragiclly sad, a betrayal of the soul.

There are right ways and wrong ways to do everything.

Doing the right thing in one place does not justify not doing it in another.

Most of us can not conceive of this kind of life. He is the one who talked and cried about what it was doing to him to live that way and how desperately he wanted to change it.

Up to this point in life I do not think I have met a single person who wouldn't stand up and say I will do whatever for you but I will not attack this person, it is not right and it doesn't honor anyone. It would never occur to them to say something so outrageously dignified, so full of integrity. All they have ever known is blame and resentment.

We would say let's try something else first. Let's give it some time, take a trip. Let's ask someone for help or advice. Let's take a moment and think of our children and friends. Let's work on our own problems, let's tell the truth about us. Let's try to do the right thing for everyone. Let's try to show compassion and understanding, you know, the way she did for me every day. Gee, I suppose I bear some minute amount of responsibility in this, let me be a man and accept it.

Most people would have stepped up from day one and told the truth before creating all this, and now they would say here is the truth, if we are going to be together we are going to have to accept and deal with what I created. This person stood by me, loved, supported and trusted me, she changed her whole life for me, and we need to find a way for all of us to have some dignity and respect. Gee, not that we've ever tried it, but I here tell if you give that, you just might get it back.