The Bachelor Betrayal

Last week the television show The Bachelor created an unprecedented backlash of angry viewers. Newspapers, tv, radio, blogs and tweets were abuzz with a concurrence of disgust for bachelor Jason Mesnick who six weeks after proposing to one woman, did an about face, broke up with her on live television and immediately went on to one of the other girls. Everyone understands it was a tv show and in real life things can be different and no one expects someone to marry a person they aren't in love with. What provoked the strong reaction of the public was the way in which he, and the show, conducted themselves. People magazine echoed the public's response best with the headline"'The Bachelor Betrayal." Viewers felt every bit as lied to, manipulated, seduced and betrayed, as the former "love of his life" Melissa.

This bachelor portrayed himself as a kind, caring, committed man seriously looking for someone to spend his life with. He had previously been a contestant on the bachelorette and understood the difficult emotions involved and as if that were not enough, he was the father of a small child looking out for the best interests of his son, therefore would be taking the process seriously. What the viewers got instead was a con job by an immature, self centered man with no character or integrity. 

The bachelor didn't have to propose to anyone nor was he required to publicly humiliate her in front of millions of viewers. Melissa asked him repeatedly if there was anything she should know before they went on air, asked him if she was going to be blind sided by anything, he lied, she asked him if it had anything to do with the girl he didn't pick, Molly, and had asked him during the six week interim if he had any contact with her, he lied again and again. Minutes after the wrenching emotional task of breaking up with Melissa, he sat on the same sofa holding, kissing and declaring his love for Molly.

Then he went on an apology tour, saying how sorry he was but no one bought it, he was only sorry because people reacted so strongly. His story kept changing, he was looking for sympathy, poor me. Talk show hosts grilled him and openly showed their disgust. One of them had to spell it out for him because he wanted to play the game of clue less, she told him how a real man conducts himself, you talk to the person in private, show concern for them and for their heart, you are honest, ask them what you can do for them, you give them time to deal with it. One had two words for him "people skills." Another lamented it was "3 hours of my life I will never get back."

Some people thought he realized he was out of his league with Melissa and his fears caused him to sabotage the relationship before he could be rejected. Others said he was an emotional schizoid who lacked a moral compass, unable to absorb the impact of what he had done, a self centered man exploiting others for his own gain, including his own son, many questioned whether he is bi-polar or narcissistic and nearly all agree in serious need of counseling. Men reacted just as strongly as women, saying "he acted like an a__h___ and that is not required" and "real men are mature, they defend and protect women, they don't abuse them."

He was likened to The Emperor With No Clothes, everyone could see what this man couldn't, that he is lying to and hurting everyone including himself. They know you don't tell people you love them and want to be with them, allow them to alter their life, ask them to trust you, to believe in you and then betray them, you don't ignore everything you've said, you address it, you don't throw them into a terrible situation without a single consideration for them, without giving it time, you don't turn your emotions on and off, don't immediately turn to another woman, you don't backstab and throw people under the bus, kiss one woman and two minutes later another. There is something wrong with people who do this.

Hmmm...any of that sound familiar. Just like you don't say you love someone every day but live with someone you say you don't, don't ask someone to spend the rest of their life with you and change your mind without a conversation, don't go all the way through a divorce and let them get divorced and change your mind because you can't stand up to your ex wife, don't let someone waste years of their life, don't take money from them, don't lie about them, don't use your child, don't set a bad example for him. There is something wrong with a man who cheats on a woman his whole marriage looking for love and affection, for years claims he wants out of the marriage, talks about all the horrible details and how he has suffered, takes love and healing and declares himself a new man and poof in an instant acts like none of it ever happened. He doesn't spend his whole life seeking sex, saying how important it is to him and poof act clue less and say sex, what is that-rather than have a meaningful discussion, my family you brought me closer to-what is that, the addictions and stress you helped me overcome-what is that, your help and support in my career and every area of my life, concern for my soul and manhood-what is that?

At least Jason did apologize to Melissa, not much choice after 8 million people revolting, but the man who did this to me, and other women, to his wife, over years and far more lies, far more betrayals, far more children involved, refuses to. Imagine if Jason had gone straight from the television set to an attorney's office and attacked and threatened Melissa to silence her, and earn points with Molly, and of course to garner sympathy for himself. Welcome to my nightmare.

You can't treat people this way and have everything be okay. There are things you cannot do over, you have to live with them the rest of your life. Jason may have been on television, got to kiss lots of girls, won some money and become "famous" for a minute, but there isn't a single person in the country that would want to be in his shoes and live the life he has coming to him.